“I thought you were Jewish,” he said as I envisioned biting into the ears, the only solid section of the bunny. Well, maybe the tail, but I would find that out later. Right now I was going for the sure thing. I’ve been cooped up for weeks with no access to Gayle’s Bakery or See’s Candy. They, like so many, are closed for the protection of their employees who work in close proximity to each other due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
“I am Jewish. Happy Passover! I’m also in the high-risk category for the coronavirus and I’m heeding the advice of my friends and family.” I couldn’t leave my house to get any matzohs, so I did the next best thing. I asked my good friend, who is younger and stronger, to pick up jelly beans and a chocolate bunny for me while he was out grocery shopping. If I had asked for matzohs I think it would have stressed him out since he was raised Catholic and might not recognize the Jewish section of the market.
Now that they have one-way aisles at Nob Hill, and door-keepers who limit the number of shoppers allowed in the store at one time, I didn’t have the nerve to ask. Next thing they’ll have a cover charge and you have to be dressed up to get in like the nightclubs in South Beach. If the bouncer doesn’t like you, he makes you go to the end of the line. The smart ones discreetly press some cash into the hand of the gate-keeper while pretending to shake hands. And we know that’s out of the question these days. Maybe if you tape a twenty to a bottle of hand sanitizer and push it toward him with one of those pincher trash picker-uppers like you see in Disneyland; maybe then you could sail right through the line.
I figured it would be easier to find the jelly beans than a box of matzohs. He did succeed in finding the candy aisle but the shelves were devoid of chocolate rabbits. Not wanting to disappoint me, he went next door to CVS and got the last bag of jelly beans and a Nestle’s Crunch bar in the shape of a bunny. I placed the bunny on an Annie Glass dish with ruffled gold border, surrounded it in a sea of jelly beans, and dressed the whole thing up with a doily. Before I finished my work of art I had devoured all the black jelly beans. Good thing I’m the only one eating.
I’m definitely biting the ears off first, but I’m making myself wait until Easter Sunday, which will be the fifth day of Passover. I know somebody who made his own matzoh a couple of days ago. Maybe I’ll ask for his recipe and bake them on the morning of the fifth day of Passover. Then at noon, I’ll attack the bunny ears.
I will silently ask myself, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” And then I will bite the ears off the bunny.
At least I didn’t ask him to look for the gefilte fish. There’s always next year.
Happy Passover. Happy Easter.