Social Media Etiquette

You Unfriended ME???

Before I became a blogger, I unfriended 100 of my Facebook “friends”. Why? Because they were people I barely knew. They barely knew me. I wasn’t mad at them; I just didn’t think they cared about what I was doing, and I didn’t think I cared about what they were doing. I had just moved to Costa Rica and planned to live a quiet, private, secluded lifestyle and write books.

Well, guess what? Wherever you go, there you are. Little by little, I started socializing, partying, volunteering, and basically came around to being the same out-going person I have always been. Grandma always said: “A leopard doesn’t change its spots”.

I did start writing the books. Then I found out I need a “Writer’s Platform”, which, being an unknown, meant getting readers to know my name. Hence, I started blogging. Blogging is not as easy as I thought. Learning to navigate the site, how to format, how to input photos, etc. It may be easy for some, but, for me …  not so much. It took me hours and hours to do the simplest thing.

I got help. It was excellent help. I was patiently talked through the process, gained confidence, and now can focus on content. I’m a far cry from being an expert, but if I stick to the format I know, I’m okay. Armed with new-found knowledge, it was time to build readers. How? Social media!

Oh dear! How do I get those people back? The 100 I unfriended! I didn’t think those people would notice or care that I unfriended them. I was told they wouldn’t even know since Facebook does not notify the person that got unfriended. I built up my friend list with people in my community, with friends of friends, with acquaintances I had only met once or twice, and their cousins, uncles, and aunts. Suddenly I had loads of new friends and a bunch of new blog subscribers. Whoo hoo!

Oh sure, there are some people who over-post on Facebook. Some people post nonsense about what they ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You can adjust your settings to not receive these posts and the poster never knows. I was in new blogger euphoria.

And then I got unfriended! By someone I barely knew. I didn’t notice at first; it took a couple of weeks to realize I wasn’t seeing posts by that person anymore, yet the name would appear in some comments posted by others. Although I have no real relationship with this person, nor did I care to, I was still shocked that they unfriended ME!

I had to laugh at my reaction. So, the question is, why? Did I do or say something untoward? Maybe I wrote something they didn’t agree with? I must have hit a nerve somewhere. Whose problem is it – the unfriender or the unfriendee? Or is it a problem at all? Did I hurt the feelings of the 100 I unfriended months prior? I didn’t mean to.

I grew up in Brooklyn, New York where the attitude is akin to Robert DeNiro’s famous line from Taxi Driver, 1976: “You talkin’ to me?” If you have an issue with me, tell me. If we can’t clear it, you can be the one to carry the grudge because I can assure you, I won’t.

It has been said: “Carrying a grudge corrodes the vessel in which it is carried.” Anger, resentment, jealousy – all destructive. Although I am baffled at why I was unfriended, I release you, unfriender, in love and light. As Reverend Deborah Johnson taught me at “Inner Light Ministries”: “Never let the smallness of somebody else’s life interfere with the fullness of your own.”

My blogging guru once told me that if I put myself out there, be prepared. There will be those who want to criticize, knock you down, or anger you. There will be those who adore you and think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. And there will be those who ignore you. Ya gotta have a tough skin sometimes.

Hmmmmm, would I rather be quietly unfriended or lambasted? Maybe being unfriended isn’t so bad after all.

Enjoy your life to the fullest today; “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” I learned that from Grandma Marion who has long departed the earth. She, most likely, learned it from another angel. God bless you!

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it. Voltaire Read more at

22 thoughts on “You Unfriended ME???

  1. Stepping through life, keep the smile on, interesting realizations and accepting things on your terms, addressing what you can change, and understanding some you can not or wish not to even try.


  2. You put into words the very same thoughts I myself have had since too receive daily updates on FB from persons who are total strangers to me. As a blogger new to the scene, I will be careful not to “unfriend” anyone but hope that perhaps they will enjoy reading what I have to say and not only what I ate for dinner!
    This was some of the very best writing you have ever done! You, my dear, are GOOD!


  3. Carole,

    I enjoyed reading this blog and the memories of our church times on the top level of the church singing together! 😴😴

    I can think of a reason to be “unfriended’ is simply because of a very busy life with overwhelming email.
    Living in the US is getting more and more complicated.

    Although your life in Costa Rica can be very challenging at times, you are living the “Pura Vida” …

    Thank you for sharing a small part of your life with us. I love reading your blogs …

    Love you,
    Kathy 😘


  4. This was a hoot. I do a lot of socializing on Facebook as so many of my friends (uh hum) are living in other parts of the world…I try not to unfriend too many people who are in the same circle, but the photos of every meal drives me a bit crazy. I like seeing you when you pop up, Bubbi. Keep up the amazing work. Your blog ROCKS!


    • Jan, thanks for seeing the irony (and humor) here. I was truly flabbergasted when I realized I had been unfriended by first ONE, then TWO people whom I haven’t the foggiest idea why! I figure it’s THEIR issue, not mine…whatever it may be! Oh, and I enjoy YOURS (posts) as well. Always sensitive, awesome, and/or funny!


  5. I was unfriended by someone and it really bothered me…for awhile. She was actually a first cousin in real life to the woman who plays Mrs. Patmore the cook, on Downton Abbey. My fav show. We met at the Oaks at Ojai. I thought we got along great. Right off the bat she began to post some radically anti-American comments and kept talking about how civilized and democratic Pakistan was in comparison to the U.S. At the time (not long ago) the news was filled with terrible events going on over there, many of them against women. So very gently and nicely I broached the subject with her. She gave me a terse comment and boom…in a couple of months I noticed I was unfriended. I think the key is this – sometimes we just can’t believe someone wouldn’t like us. Your case is different. But it made me think of my own. Good blog Carole!


  6. You are a wonderful writer. It’s as if we were sitting chatting. Keep up the good work, and I’m glad to see you have a healthy attitude on un friending!

    Have a great time in Boca del Toro! Catch you when we both return.


    Sent from my iPad



  7. Another great piece of writing, Carole! As you can see, you have touched an emotional nerve in several of us as we recall something similar in our lives on FB…. A year or so ago, my granddaughter used a couple of “really choice” vulgar words on her FB page. Being the dutiful, loving Gramma, I suggested that she was much too intelligent to reduce her vocabulary to that extent, and that it merely reflected anger. Boy, did she ever hit that “unfriend” key in a New York Minute!! It DID bother me for a little while, but then one day not long afterward, there she was again–my friend! Keep up the great writing–the nostalgia of the yesterdays is poignant; the fun, laughs & encouragement of “today” is always a treat! Hugs!


  8. Love this post Carole Jean!! I haven’t been “unfriended” that I know of, but worse – two girls had “blocked” me from their posts… so if I went to their timeline, I saw nothing. Just unfriend me already! Both of these girls had low self confidence and a certain amount of jealousy in their attitude/relationship with me, so I knew it was nothing I did (I had only been nice to them!) – but still, it hurt. I am a sensitive person. So what did I do? I’ve blocked them from my posts and timeline as well…. lol oh well, such silliness… 🙂


    • Yes, It’s human nature to respond in kind. Things can so easily misinterpreted without the face-to-face communication. Good for you for being sensitive and caring. It’s a better way to be. “The smallness of others …” Carry on with good thoughts and happy vibes!


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